All Messed Up
by The-Mighty-Third-Draft
Summary: Things aren't going to well between MK and Nod. MK turns to Ronin to figure out what she's feeling - and who she's feeling it for. MK/Nod and MK/Ronin.
1. All Messed Up

All Messed Up

Dreams weren't what they used to be. Actually, MK couldn't remember having had dreams like these before. Sleeping next to Nod had become pretty dangerous. Making love was even worse. Sitting on a leaf high above their home, she'd started to wonder if there was something wrong with her. It certainly felt that way. Was this _normal_? Yearning like this, after something that wasn't feasible, wasn't practical, wasn't even sensible? Wasn't that was a sign of insanity? It wasn't like there was a definitive answer to that question anyway, and MK wouldn't have been willing to take an opinion over the truth in her heart. But that didn't make the truth easier to live with. She did live with it. It wasn't like there was another option.

Dear Mr Director, please will you be so good as to stop the world because I'd like to get off. Dear Mr Director, I have a dream. Mr Director? _Are you even listening to me? _

She heaved a sigh that was unusually despondent and tipped her head for a good look at the crescent moon. Things had changed. Things always changed. It was like...no matter how hard you tried to preserve what you'd gained, to keep the good times...something, something would always come along and throw a spanner in the machine of your life. Before long you were spurting black smoke.

'Why can't it just work?' she appealed to the sky.

And then, the sound of rapid wingbeats right behind her head made her very, very grateful that she'd been speaking softly. Now she'd turn around. And there he'd be. Lovely and sweet, handsome, charming, considerate. Adventurous, strong, _perfect_...MK sighed, and before she could turn an unexpected voice cut right through her internal monologue.

'What makes you think hiding up here is going to get you out of dinner? You want your private time, is that it?' Ronin looked amused.

MK wasn't sure whether to be a bit grossed out by that comment, or whether to thank him for realising Nod already worked long hours and they barely got to see each other. Dinner with the family wasn't exactly high on her list of priorities right now. Mainly not because of time. Mainly because she didn't feel like pretending everything was OK.

'No, I knew somebody'd find me,' MK humored him.

Ronin's bird hovered easily over the leaf. It's low buzz was quite comforting. He set it down gently on the stem, and leaning over his knee, he offered her a small, perplexed smile. She'd gotten used to that. It was his way of saying you were amusing him.

'Come on, I'll give you a lift down.'

MK smiled, nodded, tried to put her problems behind her. She climbed up behind Ronin and held onto his belt.

'God girl, give me a smile before I catch the misery right off you. Is it contagious?' he looked over his shoulder. He was smiling. He seemed happy. MK found that a stark contrast to a few years ago. She laughed lightly as they rose off the branch.

'You've changed,' she observed. 'What's it been? Four years now. You're finally joking with me. I thought it'd never happen.'

Ronin shrugged.

'Things change,' he said, 'people change. I can see a few looking at you too, so...' he left it hanging as he kicked the bird into a straight dive.

At the very bottom, he evened her out, and MK was surprised when they began to climb away from the house.

'Where're we going?'

'You didn't answer me.'

'Oh. No, it's not that. I mean...it is that. It's not like we get a lot of time, but it's not that. Just...chalk it up to womens problems, OK? Imagine I'm fine. Or I will be.'

'Alright,' Ronin shrugged. 'You can say you really need a night off you know. Nobody is going to begrudge you that.'

MK thought of an evening curled up in bed, pretending to be sick and mused it wouldn't be any fun without the right company.

'No. I'll do dinner,' MK said, and tried to sound more interested than she was.

'Your enthusiasm is inspiring.'

MK rolled her eyes, a bit frustrated now.

'Just leave it, Ronin. Please?'

And Ronin, facing away, knew something was up. MK never lost her sense of humour unless something was up. But if she wouldn't tell him, what more could he do? He'd tried to be something like a father for her. But she did have her own Dad. He nodded.

'Alright,' he said. 'But you know where I am.'

000

So, MK said to herself, dinner could have gone better. Half an hour late, even Ronin was at the table sooner than Nod, who rolled in tired and dirty and apologised. Gave her a kiss, sloped off to get changed. Cited the reason of Boggin patrol became ambush. MK sat tapping her fingers while Ronin drank and decided not to say what she was thinking. _This used to be fun. _

'Fill her up?' said Ronin, almost apologetically. 'Takes the edge off the appetite.'

MK did as he asked. He leaned in, gave her a conspiratorial smile. That made MK want to cringe in embarrassment. On the other hand, having him here gave her something to do while she waited for Nod.

'I'll finish this one and leave you to it, alright?'

MK offered him a tired smile.

'No, Ronin. Stay for dinner? Please.'

'Only if you promise to smile.'

She tried but it didn't look right. Then Nod joined them, and it was easier to disguise how she felt when she had a face full of food.

Much later, when Ronin had made his excuses and left, Nod pulled her onto his lap.

'We could still fix it, MK. I don't know what you're so worried about. This is me? Yeah? You remember me?' he smiled hopefully.

MK wanted to squirm.

'Nod, come on, I'm knackered, let me clean up-'

'Leave it till the morning.'

She put the dishes down reluctantly.

'Alright,' she conceded.

Nod pulled her down, put his forehead against hers and sighed gently.

'It was only once,' he said.

MK felt a lump rising in her throat. She wanted to cry. Wanted to make it go away.

'I know-' she breathed, 'but it's not about what I said, Nod. It's about how it feels, and I just-'

The sight of his hopeful face was enough to break her. MK stalled. She couldn't do it.

'What? You just what, MK?'

_Oh great_ she thought,_ now he's getting angry_. Nod was frowning down at her like it was only** his **relationship on the line. That made her angry, and it covered the pain in her heart. Looking at his admittedly gorgeous face, she just didn't_ feel_ anything anymore.

'I just...' she cast around. Then with no way out, she did the only thing she could. 'I don't think I really love Ronin. I think I just...don't feel that way about you. Anymore.'

Nod sighed, and getting up he escaped into the bedroom, alone.

'Fine. You gotta do what you gotta do, haven't you?' he said, but MK could tell that wasn't the end.

'Yeah,' she breathed, looking at the empty sky outside, and wishing she was somewhere else, far from her problems. Far from the confusion.

000

Nod disappeared. At least, it felt like he had. After the conversation in bed, MK hadn't seen him for nearly a week. She didn't know who he was staying with, but he came in only to grab clothes and shove them silently into a bag. He was gone again before she could say what was in her heart to say. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

'I have to move,' she whispered, her head in her hands on the kitchen table. She had to get out of this house, where all the memories were stored. She had to figure out what'd gone wrong. Then the doorbell startled her.

For some reason she was expecting to see Nod standing there. It'd been a couple of days since he'd been back. When she saw who was there, it took a full five seconds to work out that was stupid. Nod would have let himself in. Instead, Ronin stood looking downright uncomfortable, and not a little bit apologetic.

'Ronin,' MK offered him a little smile, and folding her arms to keep her hands warm in the cool, she shrugged, 'what're you doing here? Did you want to see Nod?'

'Not...exactly,' he said. Glancing left and right, he looked like a man in a situation he'd rather not face. 'Can I come in?'

MK stepped back.

'Sure.'

He followed her into the kitchen. MK gestured to the warm water on the stove.

'Do you want some tea?' she asked.

'Tea would be nice,' he nodded.

_Oh God, too polite_, MK thought. _Something is definitely up._

'Ronin, is everything OK? It's weird seeing you in the middle of the day. Shouldn't you be at work?'

Ronin did look uncomfortable now. He rubbed the back of his neck like a man found guilty of carrying a very important secret. MK put the cup down in front of him, and cradled her own to warm her hands. The days were getting shorter. Winter was coming to Moonhaven.

'MK,' he said, and despite his obvious discomfort his voice was steady. 'Look. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, alright? I didn't want this job, because. Well. You know why.'

'What job?'

'Nod's disappeared.'

MK closed her eyes softly.

'What do you mean?' she asked softly.

'I know you two had...arguments. Don't think I want to be meddling in your life. I need to know if there's anything that might help me find him?'

MK stared at him. She stared at his breastplate, then into his grey blue eyes.

'He said he was going to stay with you,' she said.

'He did. Two days ago he went out, he didn't come back. He hasn't been here?'

'No,' MK shook her head.

She swallowed around a big lump of tears.

'Didn't he leave a note, or anything?'

Ronin shook his head. Then he held out a hand. It was almost imploring.

'What was said, between the two of you? I can get that you might fall out. OK? Believe me, I understand that.'

MK met his steely eyes and wanted, desperately, in that moment to confess all. She tried to keep the tears down.

'Help me find him,' Ronin said, almost imploringly.

MK shrugged, helplessly, tearfully.

'I didn't mean for him to-' no good, she realised. The tears were going to come anyway, and she turned away so he wouldn't see her cry.

'I know, I know,' and suddenly Ronin was close to her back. His hand descended onto her shoulder. 'Just tell me what was said. In brief. I don't need your personal details, just why he might have left. Give me a clue, MK, anything?'

'We split up,' she confessed. 'Properly split up this time.'

'I'm sorry,' Ronin said gently. 'I guessed as much. The search parties haven't found anything.'

'Why didn't you tell me sooner?' MK whispered.

'I didn't want to worry you.'

MK's sleeve was wet with tears. She tried to keep her breathing even.

'We'll keep looking,' he promised.

MK nodded. He must have mistaken her tears for worry, but they were guilt.

'MK,' he said softly, right behind her. 'We'll find him. Whatever happened between you. **I'll** find him.'

And he was gone. The tea undrunk, the door shut behind him and he was gone. And all that truth that was backing up like pressure in a pipe went unexplored. MK sat down, and didn't realise she'd forgotten about the tea until it'd gone cold.

000

When they bought Nod back, MK was standing beside her bird on the landing strip. He was battered and bruised, but there was no injury that had been done in his time away that wouldn't heal. It was his heart that was the problem. Ronin marched behind him, making sure he kept pace. She'd never seen Ronin look so angry. She could understand why. He'd certainly have a few words to say to Nod later, when the queen was done with him. Nod looked at her as he passed. MK saw nothing there for her. Just anger. She sighed.

That night, MK dreamed again. Dreaming was becoming quite an irritation now. It wasn't something she normally had to suffer with. Most days, she woke up and barely remembered what she'd dreamed. But recently, she'd been seeing whole stories in colour, full of action. Tonight was no exception. Fleeing on the back of a bird, MK looked up into Ronin's eyes. His hold on her was particularly strong. And suddenly, looking down, she saw the arrow sticking out of her ribs. Even asleep she was confused. That was Tara's death, not hers. Still, MK woke suddenly while it was still dark, with clear recollection of how it had felt to be in his arms.

When finally she slipped back into sleep, there were a couple of hours of fitful rest before those grey eyes came up again. And this time, she woke before Ronin could kiss her. She scrubbed at her face in the early morning light, and heaving herself up, got ready for work.

000

Ronin leaned over the spot. Even now, the plants wouldn't come back. Grey, dead, grieving.

'Well, this isn't quite how I imagined it,' he said softly, to the empty clearing.

Inside, a hole in his heart refused to heal.

'I figured...a bit more of **you** would be involved. Tara-' he sighed. 'I'd give anything to see you again.'

There was no answer. No shining ghost this time, no voice from beyond the grave. Not even a breath of wind to imply he'd been heard. Ronin let his head hang. Then he laid the flower he'd bought with him on the spot, and stood slowly. When he turned, he nearly jumped out of his skin.

Standing behind him, MK looked on. Looking unusually drawn, she held the reins of her bird.

'I'm sorry,' she said gently. 'I guess, we just picked the same day. The same hour, too. How weird is that?'

'It is a bit,' he nodded, standing.

'Ronin...I know he probably doesn't want me to ask, or maybe even know. But, is he OK?'

'He's OK,' Ronin nodded. 'Throwing himself into work, you know. All the usual stuff.'

'Oh. OK. Does he talk about me, much?'

Ronin looked her up and down. He seemed confused.

'Why don't you go ask him? I'm not exactly in his heart, you know.'

'But you know him better than anyone. He says things to you he won't say to me-'

'He does?' Ronin smiled. 'Be sure to point them out to me next time you hear him confess all to me.'

MK smiled. Ronin stepped closer, bringing his bird with him.

'You were always a dad to him. Just tell him I'm sorry, will you? I never meant for it to be so hard on him.'

'Tell him yourself.'

'He won't speak to me.'

'Well, then maybe he's not ready to hear it.'

MK sighed.

'So, is it true what's being said?' Ronin asked. 'Are you going home? Back to the big world anyway?'

MK smiled grimly, and nodded.

'I haven't got a lot to stay for, have I?'

Ronin seemed to think about that.

'Well. If that's how you feel, nobody's going to be able to change your mind. But if you ask me, you've got more here than you realise. What're you going to do up there?'

MK shrugged.

'Get a job. Maybe go back to college. Live,' she said. 'Kind of what I was going for here. But on a slightly larger scale.'

Ronin smiled at her humour, but he looked more worried than amused.

'Well. I don't think that's what you want. But it's up to you.'

He hopped onto his bird.

'Safe travels then, MK. If I don't see you before you go.'

'Thanks.'

'You know where we are if you want to come back.'

000

MK smiled. She didn't really mean it.

'You should be happy about this,' Ronin suggested. 'Not smiling? Not happy. Strange, isn't it? What do you want, MK?'

MK looked up at him. Maybe agreeing to meet him hadn't been the best thing. Or maybe, she thought, it was exactly what she wanted.

'Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to keep you here, or send you back up there. But I've seen indecisive. You redefine the word.'

MK swung her legs off the edge of the leaf. Ronin, his bird perched nearby, stood behind her with a small, perplexed smile on his face.

'Why did you come if you don't want to talk? MK?'

'I just wanted to tell you the truth, before I go. Or it'll play on my mind. And I'll have to keep dreaming. I hate dreaming.'

'What truth? What are you talking about?'

'I don't know why I'm saying this,' MK smiled at her own ridiculousness. Then she said it as plainly as she could. 'For a long time, I thought I was in love with you. Isn't that stupid? I guess, things were going bad with Nod before I even realised it. I just wanted to say thanks. You know. For everything you've done for us.'

MK shrugged. Then she looked at Ronin, who was suddenly quite pale.

'Oh crap, I'm sorry Ronin. I've embarrassed you, and me as well. I don't know why I said that.'

Ronin held up both hands to gesture her into silence.

'What're you talking about?' he said.

MK did look a bit uncomfortable now. But he went on before she could answer.

'Do you?' he said suddenly.

MK stared at him.

'I don't think so.'

'Are you sure?' he said, one grey eyebrow gone way up. MK laughed.

'Ronin, you're not taking me seriously are you? I'm not even taking me seriously. I just thought maybe, if I said it, I might stop dreaming and thinking and...well. Whatever. There you go.'

'Dreaming what?' he asked her, as she went past him towards her bird.

MK stopped.

'About you,' she said.

'What sort of dreams?'

MK shrugged, a bit confused.

'You know. Dreams. The sort where you're asleep and all these pictures play.'

'What sort, MK?'

She stopped and looked up at him.

'It doesn't matter, does it?'

'I'm curious.'

MK felt the blush rise. Ronin's face changed. He understood.

'You're joking,' he said, gently.

She shook her head. Ronin just nodded slowly, as though he was processing that information.

'Are you staying long enough to come to the autumn ball?'

MK tucked her hair back.

'I wasn't planning on going before it, no. I was thinking it'd be a bit of a sendoff. Can't say I really feel like a party though, to be honest.'

'Well you could stick to the sidelines, with me. You think I like being dragged onto the dance floor? I hate dancing.'

'I can tell,' MK nodded, and playfully, she did an impression of a piece of wood. 'You look like this. Stiff as a flagpole.'

Ronins eyebrows came down. He glared at her.

'Funny. You look like this,' and he waved his arms about like a demented octopus.

Predictably, MK glowered at him.

'Stop that!' she hissed.

Ronin laughed, and made a noise to go with it. MK folded her arms first, then she pushed him right in his armoured chest and made him snort with laughter.

'Uncoordinated much?' he smirked at her.

'At least I move my hips a bit! At least I have some rhythm, at least-'

'You don't get over-sensitive, do you?'

He was smirking. It was a trait in Ronin that drove MK crazy with irritation.

'Do you have a date, yet?' he asked.

MK turned to him like he'd gone mad.

'Oh come on. You just told me you dream about me. Shall I back off? Is that what you want?'

'Are you...making a move on me, Ronin? You're like my...Dad or something.'

A shrug.

'I'm not though, am I? Not your Dad. You said it first, girl! You tell me. Is it welcome, or shall we just pretend we were both drunk tonight?'

MK found herself suddenly more hopeful. She hadn't been expecting this reaction. He seemed to be taking it very well.

'Go with me,' he said. 'If all else fails, we can get pissed together, and pretend it's just a Daddy thing, yeah?'

'That's...disgusting,' MK said.

'Oh, get a sense of humour. I'm not going to paint it on my chest. Though if you get drunk enough you might wake up with it here,' and he wiped his index finger over her forehead.

MK smiled at him.

'Not the dance, Ronin. You know he'll glow a gasket if he thought- well.'

'What? You think I can't handle him?'

'I think you can handle his fists, I'm not too sure about his heart.'

'You're right, wounded hearts aren't my area.'

'Well, that's what you're gonna get if you put the moves on me, isn't it? Nods wounded heart, right here, in your face. He'll probably hit you.'

'Is that why you're leaving?'

MK opened her mouth to answer him.

'Yes...no! No, I mean...'

'Come on, get up here,' Ronin was gone before she could think to put three words together. Hopping onto his bird he offered her a hand.

000

An hour ago she'd thought of him as some kind of surrogate Dad, or at least, a friend of the family. Now she wasn't sure what he was. Sitting on a high branch beside him, with his bird perched not far away, MK found herself smiling for the first time since her breakup.

'Thanks Ronin,' she said softly.

'What for?'

'For bringing me up here.'

Ronin picked a it of moss of the bough and cast it into the airspace below. He smiled.

'No problem.'

MK laughed to herself. 'You know what, for a bit there, I actually thought you were going to-'

Ronin smiled.

'Just waiting for my chance,' he said.

MK shook her head. She laughed.

'You're serious. You been keeping something quiet, Ronin?'

'I keep a lot of things quiet,' he said.

MK shifted a bit closer, playfully. She curled her tickle-finger at him.

'Really?'

He looked at it, then at her. Then he smiled. MK hadn't seen that particular smile before. She'd seen the half-lift, the sarcastic-lift, and the smile he did when he was pretending he was enjoying himself. This was something else. His grey eyes began to sparkle. MK found her belly going funny.

'What you gonna do about it?' he said.

MK shrugged.

'Nothing,' she said.

Then while he was still working out the sudden change in mood, she launched herself at him and much to Ronin's surprise, managed to get her fingers right under the cracks in his armour to where he was, secretly in fact, quite ticklish.

'Hey! What the- how do you know-'

'I dated Nod,' she looked at him like he was stupid. 'I know how to get to the guy under the armour!'

'You're not wearing any,' he pointed out.

'Oh, shit.'

When she was done shrieking and rolling about helplessly, she picked herself up, panting and pointed to him.

'Evil,' she said. 'Evil! Remind me to never tickle you again.'

'I will,' he promised.

Some time later, a gentle arm snaked around her back and drew her in a bit closer. It wasn't the warmest night.

'You know how crazy this is, don't you?' MK said, pretending she wasn't as content as she felt.

'It isn't the first time I've done something crazy. It...runs in the family.'

'You're talking about Nod now, aren't you?'

'Mmm,' was all she got. Then; 'You know he won't like this. And I don't blame him. I might as well paint 'I betrayed you' right across my chest and have done with it.'

'I know,' MK nodded, gazing up at the risen moon. 'What am I supposed to do, though? I mean...the heart leads? You're supposed to follow. I can't help it if Nod and I just don't fit-' MK sensed someone very close. She looked up and fell silent.

'Neither can I.'

Ronin planted a soft kiss on her lips. It lingered for a second, then he drew away far enough to talk.

'You think you're the only one to have dreams?' he said, an eyebrow raised.

Silently, MK shook her head. And sneaking a hand around the back of his head, she pulled him down for another one. Warm and gentle, and not at all like kissing Nod. Nod still had a sense of innocent little boy about him. Ronin didn't give her that feeling. It was more like he was holding something back.

Then he was speaking again.

'You know we're going to destroy three lives rather than two.'

MK swallowed her frustration.

'I know,' she breathed.

'I've got to work with him. And, much as it grieves me, I've got to make sure he stays at least, roughly sane-' Ronin raised an eyebrow at her. 'It's a bad idea that I really like. But it'd be an easier decision if I didn't have Nod - and you - to think about.'

'I know,' MK sighed. 'I know. I get it. I still love him, you know. I just...can't see it lasting.'

Ronin shrugged.

'Well. Call me an old guy but I've seen this before. It'll be kiss and make up in a month.'

'You're an old guy,' MK said.

'I know. That's how I know it'll happen.'

'Does this mean...you don't want to kiss me again?'

'No,' he said easily. 'I want to kiss you. Look, MK. You think it'll be any easier to forget about this when you get your stomping feet back? It won't. Just...stay with us a bit longer? Let it all blow over.'

'What if Nod and I don't get back together?' she said. 'What if I don't actually **want **him back.'

'Then you're nuts, because he's a good kid.'

MK blew her hair out of her eyes.

'You're old and I'm crazy.'

'Hey,' he smiled gently. 'I'm not going anywhere, am I? Neither is he, if I can do anything about it. Just...stay. Yes?'

MK sighed. Some of the sadness was lifting. She wondered if maybe, giving it some time might help.

'Alright,' she shrugged. 'Ronin. Why do you want me to stay so bad?'

He stood, offered her his hand to help her up.

'You make Nod happy. When he's happy he's less trouble at work.'

MK laughed and went to mount the bird. Ronin pulled her up in front of him instead.

'Flights' been upgraded,' he said.

MK nestled in and smiled. She figured they'd had a kiss now, whatever happened next, so a bit of a cuddle wouldn't hurt.

'No other reasons?' she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. She gave him a cheeky smirk.

Ronin kicked the bird and wrapped a hand gently around her waist. MK decided she liked that a lot.

'I like watching you walk,' he said.

'Ah,' MK said, knowingly.

'And talk,' he added. Then a bit guiltily, he said; 'and eat. Especially eat.''

'I like watching you ride,' she said. 'Thanks Ronin. For sorting my head out a bit?'

Behind her head, Ronin cracked a little smile.

'You're welcome. Are you staying, then?'

MK nodded.

'I'll give it some time,' she said. 'And see what happens.'

'Good,' he said approvingly. 'Moonhaven wasn't built in a day.'


	2. An Unfortunate Accident

An Unfortunate Accident

MK wandered down to Nim in her own time. She stood waiting, trying to get the butterflies to calm down. Maybe Nim was too busy to see her? Maybe. She almost hoped for that. Then he edged around the corner, joking with somebody she couldn't see. MK chewed her lip.

'MK,' he gave her a broad smile. 'So good to see you. Look at you! New hair. Looks good on you.'

'Nice to see you too, Nim,' she smiled. 'Look, I could really do with some help.'

Nim scratched the back of his neck and gave her a little shrug.

'I can try,' he said. 'What with?'

'OK,' she breathed out her terror and said carefully, 'this is gonna sound really bad. And I'm probably going to regret it. I need you to check the scrolls for me...and see who I'm supposed to be in love with.'

Nim looked at her for a full five seconds before he answered delicately.

'Shouldn't..._you_...know that?'

MK nodded. 'Well yeah, in theory, I should know. Problem is I don't, and it's getting me down. And...Nod and I aren't doing too well. Don't think less of me, Nim, please?'

Nim shook his head quickly.

'No, of course not.'

At the bottom of the column, Nim set about finding the right scroll. When he bought it back to MK, her hands were shaking.

'What does it say?' she asked.

Nim gave her a glance over. It was clear she was worried about something. Then he unrolled it and began to read.

'Ah, yes, yes. Falling in love, oh that's _pretty_. And then...yes...I'd have guessed...and then you and Ronin...' he paused. 'Oh dear.'

'Yeah. That sounds about right,' MK toed the dirt.

Nim looked a bit nervous now.

'You and..._Ronin_? But Ronin is...well. A bit older. Oh. Well. That's...a surprise?'

MK blushed. Really blushed.

'I know,' she said. 'Tell me about it. I know! Nim...who should I be with? Nod, or Ronin? It's like I can't get on with my life until I know!'

Nim read down a bit further.

'Dreams,' he said. 'Hmm. Oh.'

MK flushed anew.

'Well, you know,' she made her excuses. Then defended; 'nobody can help what they dream, can they?'

'Definitely not,' Nim said quickly. And down he read a bit further. 'Well, it's a bit unclear.'

'Oh great,' MK breathed.

'Don't lose hope though. It just says you have to decide. The scrolls can't tell you what you haven't already done.'

MK looked up at him.

'But whoever I pick I hurt someone!'

'Really? But if you pick Nod surely everyone's happy-?'

'_I'm_ not happy,' she shook her head.

Something caught Nim's eye. Surreptitiously, he glanced down at the spot upon the scroll which had previously been unoccupied to see a letter appearing in beautiful script, like a punctuation mark on the paper of her life. It was fairly irregular, he had to admit, for love to blossom in such an odd situation, but he supposed there had to be one every now and then. He rolled it up quickly.

'Come on, I'll see you back to the surface.'

As MK mounted her bird, Nim waved her off and then stood, shaking his head.

_Somebody should warn Ronin, _Nim thought. How romantic. How _odd_.

000

A couple of days later, Nim was hardly surprised to hear another bird land. He did get quite a few leafmen in and out for advice, but on the whole it was the layperson who sought the wisdom of the scrolls. Maybe because it wasn't so worked out for them. This time though, heavy boots and clinking armor announced the arrival of...Nim peered around the corner. _Oh dear_, he thought. Hopefully it wasn't a question about love.

'Ronin! What a pleasant surprise! What can I do for you, er...commander?'

Ronin's lips tilted up.

'Just Ronin, Nim. You know me.'

And Ronin scratched the back of his neck. He looked positively guilty. Nim waited, nervously.

'Nim, this is gonna sound bad, Okay? Just...don't go telling anyone I asked.'

'Of course not,' Nim agreed. 'You know how it works. It's all _confidential_.'

'Can you check the scrolls for me. It's...' now Ronin did look nervous.

Nim waited.

'There's a girl,' he said, uncomfortably. 'I need to know...if she's for me.'

Nim got that sinking feeling.

'Don't _you_ know?' Nim asked delicately.

Ronin cocked an eyebrow.

'I know how I feel. But she...I don't think she knows herself. It's not healthy is it? It's distracting. So it's better to know.'

Nim nodded.

'True, true,' he said. 'Come on, then.'

Now this is deja vu, thought Nim, as he read down the scroll.

'Career figures in a big way in this!'

'There's a surprise,' Ronin said.

'Naturally, Tara too. And then...' Nim stopped now and forgot his nerves. Then he said softly; 'love. At first sight.'

'Involuntary!' Ronin defended quickly. 'Tara was...just perfect-'

'Oh Ronin,' Nim put a hand on his shoulder. 'I know you miss her. We all do. But I wasn't talking about Tara.'

Ronin looked a bit guilty now.

'MK,' Nim said.

He resisted the urge to give the commander a doubtful look.

'I haven't touched her,' Ronin defended himself preemptively.

'I'm not the judge, Ronin. I just read what's in the scrolls.'

Nim read all the way to the bottom.

'Ronin. You already know how you feel. You know there's no such thing as destiny, don't you?'

'I'm not so sure.'

'If there was, I'd have scrolls for that.'

'Or maybe somebody else keeps the scrolls, Nim.'

Nim looked at him, and seemed to have his own moment of revelation then. Then he said;

'True love will bloom even in adversity, Ronin. And of course...she has to choose you.'

Nim sat back on his tail to rest.

'Ronin. You look ten years younger.'

Ronin leaned in.

'Are your eyes going dim?'

'I mean it!' Nim smiled. 'You look...refreshed. What about Nod, Ronin? Aren't they...you know? Together?'

Ronin nodded.

'Allegedly. I'd believe it if he wasn't sleeping on my sofa most nights.'

'Oh. I see.'

'Something about MK not being sure. I don't want that boy messed up any more than he already is.'

'Understandable,' Nim agreed. 'But...matters of the heart can be tricky. Sure can.'

'If I could control how they feel I'd get them back together.'

Nim shrugged.

'But you can't. How do you feel, Ronin?'

The commander's lip tilted up.

'Like a schoolboy,' he said. 'Mores the pity I can still be so stupid.'

Nim watched him stride away._ Tara would be proud_, he thought.

000

_MK come out for dinner with me. MK, I'm a silly old man with a crush that you started, and I want to take you on a date._ Ronin actually cringed. There wasn't a lot left that could turn the commanders stomach, but the idea of taking Nod's girlfriend away did. Ronin glanced at the boy. The low drone of the hummingbirds was soothing on Ronin's ears. The slight vibration in his bird, familiar. It was a long haul back to Moonhaven. Time to think. Time to reflect.

The last four years had mellowed Ronin, but it had lent MK a new maturity. When she'd first come to Moonhaven, he'd taken one look at her and smelled trouble. He had a sixth sense for people. It was Ronin's survival mechanism. When MK settled down with Nod, Ronin figured maybe the trouble was over. Then she grew her hair and started wearing it loose. Ronin had a weakness for long hair. Then she ditched the jeans and tank tops and started wearing dresses. And at that point, Ronin had been forced to admit he was attracted to her. At least in a..._I'll never let you know it_...sort of way. He drifted into recollection.

Sometimes, when Nod was away, she'd bake Ronin a pie for his dinner. She'd turn up on his doorstep with the dish still warm in her hands. Of course, he couldn't let her come and go without offering her a drink. So over time it became coffee and pie on his sofa. And before long, he'd had her giggling and without really trying, and he'd started to let on more than he should have done. More about his life, more about his head. More about his heart, sometimes, too, in a roundabout way.

Ronin failed to see the shadow descend.

000

Before the morning was out, four men were spotted, flagging in the distance. Between their exhausted birds were strung two leaves. When the birds came down to land, they ditched into the soil on their bellies and lay panting like landed boats. Ronin got up first, stumbling, half blind with a head wound, to where Nod lay. Through blurred eyes he stared down at the boy. He was white.

'Nod,' Ronin touched his forehead. He was cold. 'Get the healers!'

Ronin grabbed his shoulder and shook him. 'Nod! Open your eyes. Nod!'

Ronin looked down at his own hands. The knuckles were skinned. Covered in his own blood. The sound of clothes behind him, and Ronin twisted. The world spun. A row of leafmen looked on as healers rushed toward them. Then somebody put two fingers on Nods throat. Ronin stared at the healer. Five seconds. Ten. Then the men hoisted him up and carried him away.

Ronin tried to stand and bent double with pain. He put his back to a rock. He was dripping blood but it didn't matter. Nod mattered. MK mattered. Whatever had happened between he and the girl could go hang, for all he cared, so long as she and Nod were safe. _I'll make you safe,_ he thought, as he sank on jellied legs to kneel. His green boots in the dust, he put both hands down in front of him. He had to stay upright, at least. That always helped. But there was no strength left in his back. The ground was pulling him down.

'Commander!' one of the lads yelled, as the healers came for him.

Ronin collapsed. Laying on the rock, he thought grimly that at least he was getting a rest now. And it was nice and cool. The pain was less when he was horizontal. Then somebody drew the rolled up jacket away from his skull, and the sickening movement of bones in his head turned his stomach. Blood dripped down his cheek, and Ronin passed out.

000

MK managed. She'd never had to manage before, not like this. She washed, ironed, cooked, cleaned. She visited. Every other day, and sometimes once a day she took fresh sheets to Nod. The arrows had poisoned him, and taken away his dignity and his control. Now he soiled himself twice a day, most days. When he wasn't being sick. Two or three times a day she came and went from the healers tree, first visiting Nod, and then when that was done, she'd go to Ronin when she should really be asleep.

Her clothes became baggy and her skin, pale. She sported dark circles under her eyes. She sat by Ronin and begged him to wake up. Nod was draining her, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Ronin didn't move. Every so often he'd slip into REM sleep, and his eyes would start to flicker.

It was four weeks of heartache before he began to make any noise at all. Then it was only moans, or vague words. The healers said he was coming out of the deep sleep, but MK couldn't allow herself that much hope. Her friends peeled away through lack of attention. The last thing she expected one chilly winters morning, was a knock at the door. MK wrapped herself in a shawl and went to open it.

'Oh God-' she breathed.

Back lit by midwinter sun, Ronin leaned on the door frame. He started forwards with a noise that was almost her name, and MK met him somewhere in the middle in a fierce hug. She felt herself dissolve into tears in his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He looked – and felt- far different in the thick woolen jumper and the winter cloak. More homey actually. Safer. She liked it.

'I thought you were dead,' she sobbed, 'you just slept and slept! Ronin, I thought you were dead!'

'So did I,' he sounded exhausted. 'MK, let me sit down before I fall down.'

MK let him go quickly and drew him inside. He lowered himself delicately onto her sofa, with a leg that looked like it hardly worked now. He sighed through his nose.

'So weak,' he shrugged, 'I'd been laying down for six weeks I suppose.'

MK swiped tears away. She perched beside him.

'I'm so sorry, Ronin. I was trying to be there when you woke up-'

'Don't worry about that,' he waved a hand, and reaching for her, pulled her into another hug. 'Seven sisters, girl, you're thin.'

MK nodded.

'Doc says I shouldn't be up. He told me if I went out it was all my responsibility,' Ronin smirked. 'Grey old stiff hasn't had any action in twenty years. I told I'm tough enough to take it, but now I'm not so sure.'

'God, Ronin, are you OK?'

'No worse than I was yesterday,' he said. 'So tired. But I can see again, thank the Seven.'

'Ronin,' MK dissolved again. The sleeve of her oversize jumper caught the tears. 'I kept talking to you. Nobody thought you could hear us, but I figured if you were just sleeping, maybe you'd be dreaming too. Maybe I'd get through-'

'No dreams,' he shook his head. 'Just darkness, and big, blanks where I know there should be things I know. I have to get the nurse to show me how to put my boots on. My Ma's cooking for me, MK, I don't remember how to use the bloody stove!'

'Won't it come back?' MK asked.

'Yeah, eventually! By then all trace of masculinity will be gone from my life! What a mess. MK, you look tired.'

She smiled.

'I'm exhausted,' she admitted. 'Nod needs clothes and sheets almost every day and I have to keep his spirits up, and yours, too. I haven't had a good night sleep in weeks. I keep staying over with him, but the patients wake up in the night. It's not good. Got to keep this place clean, too. I'm knackered,'

Ronin closed his eyes.

'He's - MK? Is he alive?'

'Oh God, of course he's alive! Didn't they tell you?'

MK's stomach turned involuntarily when Ronin's eyes filled with tears. He rubbed his face.

'God, how could they let you think he was dead? He got an infection from the arrows. He can't walk yet, he's so weak. Then he keeps soiling himself, but they say it'll pass.'

MK leaned in. She shook him gently.

'I'm going to kill them,' he said softly. 'Stupidity is still rife.'

'Ronin, don't you dare, because then you'll be behind bars and I'll have to cook two dinners-' MK tried a smile.

'I thought he was dead,' Ronin said, 'on my watch.'

'Take me to the hospital,' she said, 'I need to take his dinner anyway. And I'll take you to him.'

Ronin got to the end of the sofa before his leg gave out and he had to sit down.

'Ronin-'

'I'm fine,' he lied, and trying again he limped to the door. MK felt her heart twang. He'd always been so strong.

'Come on,' he said.

000

'Ronin!' Nod exclaimed. He dragged himself up to sit. 'Seven sisters, Ronin, you're up!'

'Up and kicking back,' Ronin crossed the room and grabbed the boy.

'Commander, anyone'd think you'd grown a soft side,' Nod said, but he hugged Ronin back fiercely. If tears were shed, the men managed to keep MK from seeing them.

'Except I'm not anymore,' Ronin looked at him. 'I've been...replaced. Temporarily anyway. So now I'm just your old git nearly-Dad, who can give you all the shit he wants to.'

'Good reason to get better, then,' Nod said sarcastically.

'Damn straight it is, because if you don't, I'll be in here to visit you making you feel even worse.'

'That shouldn't be too challenging for you.'

MK slid onto a seat beside the bed. Nod had been recently changed. She was grateful for that. His pride wouldn't stand Ronin seeing him as MK had.

'Just say you love each other,' she smiled.

Ronin just smirked. Nod scratched his greasy scalp.

'We just did.'

MK laughed.

'Is it true?' Nod asked. 'Did you lose your memory?'

'Some of it,' Ronin said. 'I can't tie my shoes up or remember how to button a jacket. And for a bit somebody had to show me how to wash. I remember other things though. Like you and that bloody girl you found-'

'Oh God-' Nod groaned, covering his face. 'Don't, don't remind me.'

'What girl?'

Ronin turned to MK.

'He found this girl. Well. He thought it was a girl, All dolled up in white sitting on a tree stump. I say, don't be such an idiot, lad, that's a trap. Your boyfriend, chivalrously, decides to go straight into a nose-dive, all pumped to become a hero in green!'

Nod groaned. MK laughed.

'What happened?' she asked.

'A trap!' Ronin said. 'Obviously.'

'And the girl?'

Nod pretended to bang his head on the wall.

'A boy,' he admitted. 'Skinny insect boy. Jesus, Ronin. Why d'you have to bring that up?'

Ronin tapped his forehead.

'I remember enough.'

MK laughed.

000

Ronin tightened the harness around Black. He looked over his shoulder at MK. She was carrying the dirty cooking pot that had contained Nod's dinner. Whatever they were feeding him in the hospital it wasn't filling him up. MK could understand why. Nod could eat his way down two dinners and he regularly wanted them, too.

'I guess they won't let you go back to work yet?'

Ronin nodded.

'No, they won't. The new Commander thinks it's unbecoming to return, at least until I can button up my own jacket. Unfortunately, the Queen also ordered me to rest. What I think shouldn't be repeated in a ladys presence.'

'Can I make you dinner? It feels like forever since I saw you.'

'Have you got the energy, MK?'

'No,' she shook her head and smiled. 'I'll find it though.'

Ronin smiled. Ronin let the stirrups down, and peering at her over the birds neck, he said nothing. Then he climbed up. Wincing, he arranged his bad leg and offered her a hand.

'Ronin, should you be riding with your head injury?'

'Docs says no,' he admitted. 'I say yes. What else am I gonna do with myself all day?'

MK smiled.

'Trust me.'

She gave him her hand and let him pull her up. When she was settled behind him, Ronin twisted to look at her. Then he said darkly.

'Nod isn't all your responsibility, you know.'

'Ronin,' MK said softly, 'you're still sick yourself.'

'And you're not?' he twisted to look at her. 'MK, you're wasting away.'

She shook her head.

'I'm fine. Just haven't been sleeping well.'

Ronin kicked the bird into flight.

'You're sick, MK. When was the last time you ate?'

MK didn't answer. She leaned her head against his back. Ronin was surprised by the gesture, but not by the silence.

'Why don't you take a night off from your duties and come and see my Ma. She's got a hotpot for tonight. You can put your feet up and relax, and she'll do the running around. It's what makes her happiest,' he smirked.

'I bet she's loving taking care of you.'

'She's ecstatic,' Ronin admitted. 'Since my father passed away, Ma's had nothing to do. The chance to baby me is a big deal. To be honest, I need it. Until I can make my own bed and remember how to wash, anyway. Come over, MK.'

'Alright,' MK nodded.

MK smiled at him. She'd never been so happy to see anyone in her life. She'd though she was losing him, and Nod too at one point.

MK put a hand on his shoulder from behind.

'Once I thought you and I would never be friends,' she said. 'You were always so serious. So...strict and stiff! Then Nod told me it's only because you care.'

'Careful,' Ronin said darkly, 'you'll make me out to be soft.'

'Good,' MK smiled, 'somebody other than me should see it.'

'Feel privileged then, few people get to.'

000

'Ma, give me that,' Ronin took the third plate out of his mothers hands and laid it in front of MK. He shook his head free of the heat and took his own seat. 'Feed this woman before she falls through a crack in the floor.'

MK smiled at him.

'You do care,' she quipped.

Ronin arched an eyebrow. MK put her head in her hand.

'Come on, Ronin. I'm joking. You know? Ha ha ha? Try it with me.'

'He was always a bit serious as a child you know,' said Ma, as she bustled into her own seat and admired the spread. 'He used to tell all the other boys not to dive into the river-'

'Ma, are you trying to embarrass me?'

'No, son, I don't need to try,' she smirked.

MK laughed, and disguised it as a cough when Ronin glared at her.

'What were you like a kid, Ronin?' MK finally started to relax and enjoy herself.

'He was a stickler,' Ma said proudly. 'A stickler for rules. He used to tell the other boys not to dive in the river.'

'She used to push me in,' Ronin gestured to his Ma.

'Yes, because you needed it. Boys dive in. Girls paddle. You needed to be one of the boys.'

'Patrick died that way, Ma.'

'Son, he hit a rock at the bottom. It could've happened to anyone. If you let that stop you, you never have any fun.'

'I'd sooner keep my neck in one piece.'

'Yet you go off, leave you poor Ma alone, and join the leafmen. And now look at you.'

She rubbed his hand lovingly. MK smiled. Ma had to be eighty. MK could see there was love there, so much love. It made her think of Nod, and everything she'd given up to take care of him. It wasn't like she'd had a choice. When he'd been carried home he'd asked for her. And suddenly MK had responsibility. Too much of it, too. This wasn't how she'd seen this year panning out.

000

The sun had gone down, and the birds had gone home to roost. Outside, the night was cold and full of lights. The forest had gone to sleep for the winter. It wouldn't be long before the snow came. The breeze ruffled MK's hair, chilled her face and fingers. It was so quiet. Normally by now she'd have been dozing beside Nods bed. She'd wake with a crick in her neck. She contemplating going back there tonight. For his sake. Then soft footsteps came up behind her.

'MK.'

Inside the little house, Ma was washing up. She clanked dishes gently as she did.

'Come on, let's get out of her hair.'

MK followed Ronin down the line of splash pools. They were so cold now, and the fish inside were preparing for a long sleep. Somebody had lit torches going down to the lake. Ronin held out his hands to help her down the steps. MK let him, and at the bottom they sat on a rock not far from a thin waterfall.

'Watching you and Nod together,' he paused. Then he tapped his head. 'Some things are totally gone, MK. Up here. Did you and I ever...you know?'

'You know?' MK teased him gently.

'You know,' he winked. 'We were...involved?'

She smiled at her folded hands.

'When I split up with Nod the first time, you took me for a ride on Black. You kissed me.'

'I wasn't sure,' he said. Then he admitted quietly, 'I did dream. A bit. Sometimes. For a long time it was all Tara. All Tara. Then...you came up and I started to wonder if I'd forgotten you, or if you were just someone I wanted. I couldn't work it out, but there you were, anyway.'

MK watched him closely.

'Why are you asking, Ronin?'

'I want to know where I stand. What you want.'

'For Nod to get better.'

'I know. I know that bit. But when he is, do you want to marry him? Or not?'

MK gazed into his eyes. Then she turned to the splash pools with a heavy sigh.

'Things have changed, Ronin. Before...he could take care of himself. Now, I'm not so sure.'

'He's going to need care for many months, MK. Are you up to that?'

'I have to be. He needs me.'

Ronin let out a slow breath through his nose.

'That's not a good reason to stay with him.'

MK shook her head.

'What reason do I need? He's sick. He needs me.'

'Love,' Ronin said. 'You need love. And lots of it, when someone you love is sick.'

'What do you know about that?' MK said, a bit angrily.

'What do you know about my past?' Ronin said. 'I had a brother. He was ill for a long time before he died. I wiped up shit and piss for him and it soils more than the sheets. It soils how you think about him. It's not something I'd wish on you two.'

MK threw her hands up in frustration.

'I can't leave him now. He might as well be crippled.'

'I understand that,' Ronin said reasonably. 'Is that what your heart says, or your head?'

MK was about to get angry. Then she realized Ronin was right. She put her head in her hands.

'My head. My _head,_ Ronin. Only my head.'

'And your heart?' he asked quietly.

MK leaned on his arm.

'I can't leave him,' she repeated.

Ronin looked at her, closely. Then, helplessly, he nodded.

'OK.'

'Don't go back to sleep,' MK said, when they were beside his bird again.

'I'm not going anywhere,' he assured her. He took hold of her elbows and gave them a squeeze. MK put her head on his shoulder. Ronin took his chance, leaned in, and kissed her cheek. Then he found her ear.

'For a long time, I believed I'd have a chance with Tara. When she'd done her duties and I could afford to retire. I thought we'd have time together. To love and explore each other.'

'I'm sorry,' MK said softly.

'Don't be sorry. Don't make my mistake. Don't let love slip through your fingers.'

MK was so frustrated, she wanted to stamp her foot. It was wrong. She felt so trapped. Then she stood on tip-toes and kissed him softly on the lips. Ronin pressed back, taking her face in both hands. Need surged up inside her. Need to be held, comforted, loved in ways Nod couldn't do now. She didn't dare voice how scared she'd been when Ronin wouldn't wake up.

Ronin pulled her in tighter, desperate, eager to get her closer, deeper. MK slid her fingertips along his collar. She felt him settle big hands on her waist. Breaking apart for a moment, she said;

'We can't do this.'

Ronin ran fingers up the back of her skull and pulled her in again. MK went without any resistance. She made a little noise when he parted her lips, and dragging him closer, she didn't want to move again until they were done. It was like sweet relief. Sweet safety. For the first time in weeks, MK felt better about things. But Nod haunted her. How hurt he'd be. How much he needed her. But she had to move. For him

'Ronin, please – we can't.'

He released her.

'Does that mean I have to pretend I don't want to?'

'No,' MK shook her head. 'It just means we can't. Ronin...you've changed.'

He nodded.

'So have you. Facing down the Gods of death can do that to you.'

'You faced them down?' MK couldn't resist a little tease. 'Like, eye to eye?'

'I did. I look them right in their ugly little eyes,' Ronin cracked a small smile. 'And I said...' he imitated a girl, '_don't hurt me_!'

MK laughed.

'No, that can't be you. Surely, "back you devils!" is a bit more...macho?'

Ronin winked.

'Believe what you want,' he said. 'I'm not going to pretend MK. But...you need to do what's right by you.'


	3. Healing

All Messed Up - Healing

Ronin swung the sword. Aaron blocked him, shoved him back. Ronin skidded up against a tree, and his second in command descended, the point lined up with Ronin's throat. Ronin, panting, stared up.

'Great. Just when I was starting to look like I know what I'm doing.'

'Again,' Aaron said, hauling Ronin to his feet. 'Move your feet more.'

'Who's businesslike now,' Ronin muttered, as the leafman swung for him and forced him to move – and fast. Ronin couldn't help but be proud. Aaron had really come into his own. Ronin could remember him as a recruit who was terrified of squirrels. Ronin practically skipped backwards to escape the blade, caught his heel on a root and fell hard. Aaron stood over him.

'I'm not even going to bother showing you what happens next,' Aaron said, rolling his eyes, he lowered his sword.

'I think I can work it for myself,' Ronin nodded.

Something zipped by at speed. Ronin turned. Two kids on a bumblebee.

'D'you think he's remembered how to wipe yet-' their laughter faded around a tree. Ronin had just about identified them. He made a mental note. They'd regret that comment later.

'Come on, Ronin,' Aaron said, throwing Ronin his sword. 'They're kids. They don't know any better.'

'They know better than to be rude.'

'Apparently they don't,' Aaron said. 'Again.'

Ronin just nodded, and rolling his shoulders to get a crick out of the muscles, he prepared to lose again.

000

He came home tired and sore. When he closed the front door, he could hear Ma bustling around the kitchen, rearranging pots and pans. She'd moved out since he'd relearned how to do the basics, but now and again she popped back for a spot of upkeep. Ronin surprised her, and taking her hand he gave it a squeeze.

'Ma, I can more or less manage you know. Ma...are these for MK? You want me to take them over?'

He toed a basket of freshly laundered sheets.

'If you will. She needs them. She's looking awfully thin Ronin. I thought she could use a bit of help.'

'I know, Ma. She's got some kind of...disorder. So the queen says. Keep that to yourself.'

'Oh, a disorder,' Ma nodded. 'Is it one of those...eating troubles girls have?'

'Something like that,' Ronin nodded. 'I think Nod not getting much better is what's done it. Keep that to yourself too.'

'Who am I gong to tell, Ronin?' ma cocked an eyebrow at him. 'Other than the flowers or the stove. My friends just aren't interested, son.'

Ronin offered her a little smile.

'I know, Ma. If it got out, I just don't want her to think it's come from me, if other people get to hear about it.'

'You've got a soft spot for her, haven't you?'

'She's like a daughter to me.'

Ma nodded. She could see through him, but she was good enough not to say what she was seeing.

'Well. I'll be gone in a bit. Almost done.'

Ronin gave her shoulder a little squeeze.

'Son?' she called, as he walked away. 'How did your training go?'

'Badly. I kept losing.'

'Well, you'll get it.'

'You know Aarons mother, don't you?'

'I sure do.'

Ronin rolled a sore shoulder, and rubbing it, he said;

'Tell her to be proud of her son, will you? Phrase is right, it didn't come from me. But that lad has promise. And a very strong right hook.'

Ma hid a smile in a turn back to the sink.

'I will.'

000

Ronin leaned back on MK's sofa.

'Where's Nod?'

'Gone to stay with his aunt for a week. She finally agreed to take him to give me a break.'

'So you spend it cleaning?' Ronin tutted. The house had been turned upside down and she was in the middle of scrubbing it down. 'You look like you need to rest.'

'I don't feel that great,' she admitted. 'Don't tell him. He's doing so well. I just need a break, Ronin. I'll be fine.'

'Will you?' Ronin asked. 'Really? You're not convincing me,' his tone turned challenging. 'Why aren't you eating properly?'

MK ducked away from his gaze. She couldn't believe the queen had told him.

'She shouldn't have told you that.'

'Well she did. She said she tried healing you, and it worked. But then you stopped eating again. She wanted me to have a word with you. I told her I can't. I'm not your Dad. I am your friend though. Aren't I?'

MK sighed.

'Yes,' she said.

Ronin's jaw tightened. _Here it comes,_ MK thought. And she was right.

'Then what the bloody hell do you think you're doing! Do you even realize what a precious gift you've been given. And now, you're throwing it back in her face by abusing yourself.'

'I'm not throwing it back,' MK said helplessly. 'I just can't eat-'

Ronin's eyes narrowed.

'Because of Nod?'

'No!' MK said quickly.

'Why then.'

'Look, I've always had it. It just gets worse when I'm tired or stressed out, that's all!'

'MK, if you don't eat I'm going to make sure you eat. Even if I have to force feed you myself.'

MK stared at him. Then she whispered;

'Why do you care so much?'

'Oh for heaven's sakes- many leaves, MK. Or did you forget that part? I promised I'd take care of Nod. You're part of his life, so I take care of you too. Even if it means making you feel worse until you get some sense!'

'Just part of _his_ life?'

Ronin finally lost it. He sighed through his nose and turned to look her right in the eyes.

'Make your mind up, MK. It's making you sick.'

'Why are you being so mean?'

Ronin wanted to yell at her, but what good would it do? Her big green eyes were filling with tears. Finally, he settled on the only thing he knew might work. Uncomfortably, he said;

'Because I love you,' he shrugged. 'Does it make it easier when you can hear it?'

MK stared at him. She'd never seen him fidget so.

'Look. The cat's out of the bag. Will you just eat?'

'I'll try,' she whispered. 'Ronin...if it wasn't for Nod-'

He turned. The implication hung there, frustrating, tantalizing.

'Make your mind up,' he said, a bit more gently.

000

Later, lying in bed, Ronin wished he'd been a bit more gentle with her. He wondered if she was OK. If she was sleeping. If she was alone. He wondered a lot of things while he lay waiting for rest to come and claim him. He dozed off just before dawn. And the next day, he had to make amends, which wasn't any fun. He left a bunch of flowers on the doorstep, and scrubbing at his face he mounted Black, and escaped before she could catch him.

MK did catch him though. Much later, when Ma had let herself out, a little knock at the door alerted him to the inevitable. She'd come to..._gulp_...talk. He opened it, seeing no choice. And MK handed him a pastry, which he took.

'Can I come in?'

'Mmm,' he nodded. When she was inside and he'd shut the door, he stood uncomfortably in the doorway. 'MK. I was...quite hard on you.'

'No,' she shook her head. 'You were right. I get it. I know it's a problem. I know I need to get through it. It's just made it so hard, what with Nod being so sick. I guess in some ways...I just wanted to get _out_.'

Ronin spread his hands wide,

'Then why didn't you just tell me? Tell someone. We'd have helped you.'

'Nod...didn't want anyone to know. And I was so tired...I just went with it. Ronin, I'm sorry. For a bit, when Nod was puking up all day and you were out cold, I nearly-'

Ronin sighed at the implication. Then he sank to sit beside her. Watching her out of the corner of his eye, he finally turned his head to look into her eyes.

'MK,' he said then, 'you've grown up in some ways, but you're still a kid really.'

She screwed up her nose.

'Thanks. I think.'

'Don't get me wrong. You're a mature kid. A kid with a lot of sense. Just...take it as a bloody compliment, alright? And come here.'

MK went, cuddling up to his side.

'Nothings going to be the same for me. I've come to terms with that fact now. You lose half your mind like this, and something changes. You cant go back,' he gave her a little smile. 'Life does that. It throws you twists and turns, it's like riding a dragon without a leash. Plenty of times I could have given up. I always figured...staying alive would piss my enemies off more than dying.'

MK nestled into the crook of his neck. She breathed in the familiar smell of Ronin.

'I think I made more enemies than friends, but what the hell. Life is what it is. Do me a favor and take yours by the bollocks, before the other end gets out its adult teeth.'

'Is this a pep talk?' she murmured against his jaw. 'Because I'm distracted.'

Ronin changed from relaxed to aware in a split moment. He didn't move so much as a muscle. She'd never guess what he was thinking. But he could feel her vibe had changed, and he liked it.

'Ronin? Did you and Tara ever get married?'

'No,' he said softly.

'You seemed so...in love...when you were holding her. Why didn't you?'

'I don't know,' he admitted. 'I think if I'd asked...'

'I _know_ she would have,' MK reassured him.

'It would've been a short marriage,' he said, to distract himself from the pain. The ever present ache that was the lack of Tara.

'So?' MK said. 'It doesn't matter if it's short. Just that it matters.'

'Now who's giving who a pep talk? MK? Why don't you just have what you want. And when Nod comes back, neither of us has to tell him what's happened.'

MK looked at him.

'Who's going to know?' he went on. 'Feel free to slap me now.'

MK's hand snaked over his chest.

'You're joking,' she said. 'Are you saying you want to...with me...'

'Yes,' he said. 'Now would be a good time to tell me to back off. Or I'm going to kiss you, and hopefully, you'll tell me what you actually want.'

'OK,' MK said, breathlessly.

Ronin turned his head.

Sure hands found their way under her clothes. They were toasty warm, calloused, _lovely_. She hadn't been expecting him to feel so..._experienced_. She'd always figured he was single, and probably stayed that way most of the time. But what he was doing with his hands and his tongue implied he had more contact with the opposite sex than anyone knew about.

Nod always looked into her eyes when they made love. MK wasn't expecting Ronin to do the same. But he did. And there was something shining in the depths that turned this from sex with the opportunity, into something more like bonding. Being pushed onto the sofa was nice, but it was a surprise when he carried her into the bedroom. It was almost romantic, and she liked it. She liked it more when he kicked the door shut and in the gathering dark, stripped his shirt off and joined her in the cool sheets. Like an octopus, his hands were everywhere. MK found herself giving in to curiosity. She'd never been one to touch Nod, much. He liked it sweet and simple, and though he was romantic, there wasn't quite the passion MK had always hoped for. She'd sort of resigned herself to that.

Ronin, on the other hand, seemed to like the heat and the need growing between them, and he was doing everything he could to fan the flames. Until MK had redefined her personal ideas about shame, and was panting almost helplessly into his ear while a thick finger did something unspeakable between her legs.

If MK had had many female friends to discuss it with she might have described Nod as a two- or three trick pony. Only because he had his preferences and he was happy that way. Then Ronin rolled her over, and stroking those big, warm hands down her waist he encouraged her to move her hips. Before long, all thoughts of Nod had left the building.

She found herself leaning down to kiss him, moaning into his mouth when he played with bits of her that had rarely seen any action. Suddenly it seemed like there was a whole world outside Nod that she hadn't experienced, and she wanted it. Then pinned under his body, MK grabbed his ass, squeezed the glorious muscles across his back, dug her nails into his shoulders until he made a wonderful little noise in her ear. Breathing encouragement into his, she was delighted when her thighs began to tremble on their own, and her body spontaneously decided she wanted him deeper, and harder.

The way he took her, she thought, it was a miracle he didn't hurt her. Then it was over. She was trying not to yell too loudly, and trembling in the cage of his arms.

Afterwards, still tangled, MK brushed fingertips up and down his chest. Her face was stuck to him, like the rest of her. She didn't care. He smelled divine, like something she wanted to eat. Or maybe just lick. And rumbling in her ear, as his fingers crept over her thigh, he said gently;

'I'm not hearing a no. Or a 'get off me, Ronin,' he teased.

'You're not likely to.'

'Get on top of me,' he breathed. 'I want to watch you.'

000

MK woke to the fresh, chilly morning light. At some time during the night, Ronin must have pulled the sheets up over them. She didn't remember doing it. He was breathing softly near her ear, fast asleep. MK didn't want to move. She watched him sleep. His face gone slack, relaxed, he looked so young. She had to admit, he was older than the guys she normally ogled. But seeing him now in the light, she found him sexy all the same. Then his eyelids fluttered and he looked down at her, blearily. He smiled, and cuddled her closer. Then there was a creak from the corridor, and the bedroom door was pushed open.

'Oh _Shit_!' MK yelped.

Nod, backed by his aunt, were the last people she wanted to see. Ronin was up in a flash, leaving her half naked. Before he could grab the sheet for her and whisper an apology, MK found a shirt to cover herself with. Nod's eyes were cold, and dark, and without feeling.

MK hid behind Ronin. Later she'd call herself a coward but for now, the thick arm that separated her from her murderous ex boyfriend was comforting. Ronin held a hand up.

'You can hit me later, Nod. But _outside,_ away from her.'

'I'm gonna do worse than hit you, you bastard-'

'You can try,' Ronin agreed, his jaw set.

Nod wheeled himself into the kitchen, and slammed the bedroom door behind him. MK was shaking when Ronin took her by the arms.

'Come on, it's OK, it's OK,' he soothed.

'I know why you did it,' she whispered, shaking. 'You wanted me to make my mind up.'

Ronin shook his head.

'Get with the program, will you? I did it because I wanted to. You wanted to. Learning from it is something else. Something you've got to deal with.'

'I don't want it to only be one night,' she said softly.

Ronin leaned in then, and despite her tears and the situation waiting outside, he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

'This is going to be messier than a laxative overdose.'

'Your sense of humour only comes out at shit moments.'

They stared at each other, realising what they'd said. Snorting with laughter wasn't exactly in keeping with the situation, but it did break the tension.

Nod was waiting. He was out of the wheelchair, and wobbly enough that making any sudden movements would probably make him fall over, but he punched Ronin all the same. Nod was too manly to lean on something, but MK could see he needed to. Ronin didn't do anything.

'Nod, I'm so sorry-' MK tried, hoping it might ease the situation a bit. 'Please believe me, I didn't mean for this to happen. It just...happened...'

'Come on MK. You were saying his name,' Nod tossed the next spitefully at them both, 'did she tell you that? I bet she didn't. I left because she couldn't take her bloody mind off you.'

'I didn't do this to hurt you,' Ronin said calmly.

'Well. That's an epic_ fail_ then isn't it.'

'I tried to get you back together,' Ronin said. 'It didn't work.'

Nod gazed at them. Then, before his voice could break completely, he said;

'You make a shitty couple. The old man and the crazy bitch. I can't wait to hear what people have to say about you, MK.'

'Nothing I haven't heard before,' MK snapped back.

'Here's one then. Put some fucking weight on and you might actually be attractive-'

Ronin groaned, 'Nod, stop it. You'll regret it later-'

'Like everything else then,' Nod said. 'Get the hell out of my house, Ronin.'

Ronin glanced down at MK. She looked back, her big green eyes full of fear. Ronin didn't want to leave her. He'd seen Nod angry, and it wasn't a pretty situation to leave her in. On the other hand, the chance to talk might straighten them out. So, reluctantly, he squeezed her hand and buttoning his shirt by the door, he took a last glance at them and left.

'It's over.'

The words echoed round her skull like a bunch of rotten fireflies. Tears coming too thick to speak properly, MK just nodded.

'I mean...why! Why him? It's fucking_ Ronin_! He's _old_.'

MK finally got angry.

'Because he's nice,' she sobbed. 'Because he makes me laugh. Because he's a gentleman. Because he makes love to me, he doesn't just _fuck me.'_

'I might have, if you'd fucking wanted it.'

'You don't get it. I don't want to swap one for the other, Nod. I can't help it if I fell in love!'

'Oh great! So now, its love is it? Not just a fuck.'

'No it isn't a fuck,' MK sighed. She gestured to the door helplessly. 'He was trying to help.'

'I'm sorry, I'm missing something. MK. He's fucking my girlfriend. Ex, girlfriend.'

'Once,' MK shook her head. 'He only kissed me because I told him I was dreaming about him. He was trying to get me to decide and settle back down with you.'

'Well he's got a funny fucking method, hasn't he. So have you, come to think of it.'

'Nod. I love you. It's not like I spend one night with him and that stops.'

'That's the point. When you love someone, you don't spend the night with his fucking...his...'

MK wanted to cry. He was going to say Dad. She'd wrecked everything.

'I'm sorry,' she said softly. 'I'm so sorry, Nod.'

'Too late,' he said, his eyes filling with tears.

000

Three days later, MK turned up with a suitcase and knocked on Ronin's door. She looked guilty, and drained. He leaned on the wall.

'I'm sorry,' she said, nervously. 'It was a better idea than going to ask the queen for help. I don't have anyone else to go to.'

Ronin came towards her, and gently put both hands on her arms.

'He actually kicked me out,' she admitted. Roning sought her eyes.

'I can see.'

'I didn't think he would. I guess...maybe it is over. Ronin...can I stay here until I find somewhere to live?'

He pulled her into a hug and MK smiled softly into his shirt.

'One day this family is going to get itself sorted. I'm sure of it. _I think_.'

MK laughed.

'Doubtful,' she said.

MK smiled when he gestured two ways.

'There's a sofa,' he said. 'Or a bed. I'm going to be occupying the bed, so if you feel the need to keep warm and maybe busy, that's a good way to go. If not, I suggest this very comfortable pull-out arrangement,' he smirked. 'I'm not making a move on you,' e held both hands up. 'Not much. It's a joke.'

Mk laughed.

'Rare and well worth the wait.'

'Treasure it, it doesn't happen very often.'

'I think it happens more now than it used to,' MK perched on the sofa. 'Where's your Ma?'

'Gone home. Now I can do up my own shoes and make my dinner.'

'Discharged from duty,' MK smirked.

'With excellent references,' he agreed.

MK leaned in to put her head on his shoulder.

'How's Nod?' he asked her gently.

'Angry. With me. You...I'm not so sure what he thinks of you. I'm so sorry, Ronin. I think I've messed everything up for you and Nod.'

'You didn't tango alone, kid,' he put an arm around her. 'Maybe he'll mend in time. When he comes back to work he'll have plenty to think about, I'll see to that.'

MK shook her head at him, fondly.

'You miss it, don't you. Are you going back, then?'

'My first love,' he said. 'Besides. If I don't, a year pissing about between house and garden is likely to kill me.'

MK sighed.

'I really should get a career going before I become a housewife...or worse, full time mother of ten to some...God, I don't know. Nevermind. Ignore me.'

Ronin mused.

'You could always sign up for the leaf men.'

MK shook her head.

'Don't they have to be a bit...younger than I am?'

Ronin stared at her.

'You're joking. I trained a thirty two year old last year.'

'Did he get in?'

'Damn right he did. Only because I drilled him until he nearly died. But he did it. One of the best shots I have.'

'I'd look shit in green.'

Ronin shrugged.

'It's up to you. But it's a career. And it's a way of life, too. If domestic bliss doesn't suit you, then that's a good alternative. Think about it.'

MK nodded. She hadn't really given it any serious thought before.

The dark came, and Ronin's house became quiet and warm. The open fire in the hearth crackled gently. He settled beside her on the sofa, handed her a glass of something rich and green, and when she sipped it she could have sworn it had a kick added to it. She didn't care. It was making her relax. She put her head on his shoulder and smiled up at him idly.

'When do you go back, then?'

'A few weeks. Aaron is giving me the run around. Literally. The kid's so _fast_.'

'You were once, too. You'll get it back.'

'Your faith is inspiring,' Ronin's lips tilted up.

MK lost herself in the soft talk then. She let it wash over her and found herself smiling for the first time in weeks. When he put down the empty glass, he plucked hers out of her hand too and put it on the table.

'You're drunk,' he observed.

'I am?'

'Mmm. As a mayfly in a barrel of beer.'

'I'm not, I'm fine, I-' MK tailed off.

She wasn't quite sure when she'd made the decision to follow Ronin into the bedroom, or how she'd ended up covered by his warm, strong body.

'Never make love to her while she's drunk,' he said softly, in her ear. MK could feel his lips.

'I'm not that drunk.'

'Yes you are,' he said, disappearing under the sheets. MK whimpered when he pulled her leggings down and tossed them off the side of the bed.

'I don't think it applies to this,' he said, before he descended, and everything except what Ronin was doing paled into insignificance.

MK woke before the sun had come up. She was pressed, half dressed against Ronin, who breathed slow and evenly. Cuddling a bit closer, MK smiled softly into his ribs. She couldn't sleep, but it didn't matter. She wondered if Nod would forgive. He'd never forget, she was sure of that. She slid carefully out of bed for the loo. When she came back, Ronin rolled into her and enclosed her in a gentle cuddle. MK kissed his throat affectionately.

'Sleepy man,' she breathed.

'Half sleeping,' he corrected her, his voice husky.

'What're you doing?' he teased, finding her neck to give it a nibble.

'Dreaming,' MK smiled at the ceiling.

'Mmm. Me too,' he said, and before long he was taking the rest of her clothes off.

000

MK stared up and down the line. Twenty new recruits, who tried to stand to attention without overbalancing. Dressed in the drips and drabs, colour and skins. Half of them looked like they wouldn't make it through the first week. She wasn't so sure she was going to either. The sun glinted off the crescent moon on Ronin's helmet. MK couldn't believe how different he looked here. A far cry from the softypie who made her breakfast, and had greeted her the night before with a sudden, passionate kiss. He said it marked the swap, from commander to boyfriend. She could go with that.

Still, she had her doubts about whether she could separate the two so well. Especially when he was standing over her, an hour later, his voice laced with a vague threat that worse awaited if she didn't complete the course. She honestly doubted if her heart could take it. And she doubted it every day for a week. But when she was sent away to survive in the wild, she missed him. She missed his warmth and how he'd run a bath and pull her in with him, rub her back and then rub lower until she was wriggling.

Crawling through muddy undergrowth was easier, actually, when she remembered that it could only last so long. At the end of the dark, watery tunnels, Ronin was standing with a hand to drag you up. Puppy love started to morph into something more lasting. Something she realised she'd never have found without this. Respect.

Eight weeks later he found her in a line of women, and knocked a wooden sword against hers. Holding it up ready, his eyes said everything. _Show me what you can do_. Ronin was an onslaught, but his eyes reminded her that the enemy would do worse. _Be faster,_ he'd told her, a few days before. _I'm strong, so be faster. Turn my strength against me._ MK thought privately, there were a lot of ways to do that with a guy. But by God he was strong, she realised, when he pinned her against a tree by her shoulders.

'Faster,' he hissed.

Much later, when she was bent double, her backside against a tree, Ronin grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her upright. He ignored the tears in her eyes, and pushed her into the wood. MK knew him well enough to see it was carefully calculated. His eyes were almost unfamiliar. That actually made it easier.

'It isn't going to end,' he promised her.

Then a glance left and right and he kissed her.

'Stay with me,' he breathed, and was gone before she could say anything.

_Stay with me, _it repeated in her head. _Stay with me. _Surging up from the depths came broken determination. What was worse had already been done. She peered around the tree to where he sat, his back to her, around the fire. Losing him would be the end of her. Every day he walked into situations that could take him away. MK thought of her Mum's body, lying inert in the coffin. Like meat on a slab, barely Mum. Empty and without the spark that had contained all the love. If she could do anything to keep Ronin safe, she could do it here. Not waiting at home, hoping for news.

She walked back to the fire and sat down. Somebody handed her food and she took it. Ronin's eyes met hers briefly over the fire. And a little nod reminded her she'd done the right thing.

END

* * *

AN - I know a few people are following this story. I've had requests to put more to it. When I conceived of this story it was only meant to last 3 chapters. I feel the story's told! The only other thing that I may do is branch into another story from this one at a later date. 3 parters are good to write because they don't take forever, they can be a bit longer than one-shots, and they can contain a bit of character development and drama without you having to delve in so deep into the world and the plot you don't do anything else for days ;)

I write by watching the characters, then when I have their 'voice,' I almost act myself to get them speaking and reacting to each other. Until I can buy the film, continuing this without them slipping out of character is going to be very hard. I'd rather it didn't slip out of character ;)

Thanks to everyone who reviewed.


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